8 Steps To Better Discussions - This Hate S*#t Has To Stop.

This Hate S*#t Has To Stop. Why Fight Hate With Hate?

When did we agree that arguing against hate with hate was the way to resolve differences?
                This week I have seen people accuse Muslims of all being terrorists, followed with comments that agree with the sentiment like:
                                “We should shoot them all.”
                                “Ban the Rag Heads.”
               
​ I have also seen the comments that disagree which use similar language.
                                “You f*#king idiots.”
                                “F*#k you, racist idiots like you ruin the country.”
 
                I have seen people on welfare abused this week, called bludgers and seen them ripped on in status updates and in papers, the news and on social media.
                                “I pay my taxes, and these f*#king dole bludgers do nothing and just cruise on my dollar.”
                                “There shouldn’t be any welfare for these losers, if they don’t go to work they shouldn’t get paid.”
 
                And so on, and so forth. Anger, finger pointing, abuse, name calling, death threats, jokes about killing, deportation, locking them up and condemning people to lives without help dominate the conversation about political affiliation, race, gender, abuse, welfare, sexuality etc etc.


                People who don’t agree with you, are simply that. People who don’t agree with you. Now I have had plenty of face-palm moments, I disagree wholeheartedly with many of the bigoted statements that I see in the media and on the internet daily. The path out of ignorance however is not paved with abuse, it is paved with information and understanding.

                The bigot who is scared of Muslims is as misinformed as the Muslim who thinks all non-Muslims hate those of the Islamic faith.

                The young man or woman of privilege who believes that all people on the dole are simply lazy dole bludgers is as misinformed as the person of disadvantage who believes that all ‘rich’ people are greedy and don’t care about them.

                The problem is not necessarily in having differences in opinion. It is in the way we collectively address them.
​
                So in the interest of practicality, if you are going to engage in a discussion in person or online, let’s try and establish some conventions that might help move conversations forward.

1. Firstly, lets refrain from calling people names. It’s the simplest way to prevent someone getting their back up when you address them. If I start my argument with “Listen Dumb-Dumb” It’s unlikely that the person I am speaking to is even going to listen to another thing I have to say. So let’s stop with the name calling. Plus, it’s just not nice.
2. Let’s stop saying we are going to kill everyone, or anyone. No one deserves to be murdered because of their beliefs. I absolutely think racists have opinions that are wrong, and I don’t agree with them, but I don’t think we should just automatically kill them all. Fighting fear, or violence with violence or threats of violence, does not work.
3. Listen. Sounds stupid right? Why do I need to listen to someone who says all Muslims should be deported? I’m never going to agree with that, ever. Well, it’s important to listen, because it’s important to know how people got those opinions in the first place. Are they scared of Muslims because they experienced a terror attack? Because they read about something in the paper? Because their friends or family are? Are they scared of their own financial instability? By listening we can do a better job of understanding how people come to conclusions that seem unbelievable to us, then we can address the real concerns, rather than just abusing them.
4. Listen. Yes this is point 3 and 4. It is that important. Listen properly, don’t just wait for your turn to speak and don’t just spend your listening time thinking about what you’d like to say. Listen and address what the person is actually saying. It’s ok that this takes practice, personally it is something I try to work on all the time.
5. Find a solution. Once you have listened, structure your argument or rebuttal around their concerns. Not around every single thing you know and think. Use logic, and be prepared to debate your point on logic, not emotion. It is hard to argue against emotion with emotion, but education can help to change a person’s emotional attachment to a point of view.
6. Be the bigger person. Someone else calling you names does not mean you can now call them names. In legal terms it’s called ‘Writing to the court’. Write as though everyone in your whole life might see what you have written, and make sure you are happy for them to see it. Don’t descend to name calling, threats and abuse, these threads of abuse are the most divisive and unproductive things on the internet.
7. Agree to disagree. You can’t win them all. Sometimes when people have made up their minds, logic, emotion, facts and all kinds of examples can’t change their mind on the spot. We still have climate change deniers for goodness sake! Sometimes you can bow out, with your logical arguments intact, and hope that they take root in the mind of the person you are speaking to, to sprout again down the track.

 
Which leaves me with point 8

• Keep on discussing. We need people to stand up for the right things, for some reason I see bigots, racists, scared, misinformed and abusive people with no problem at all voicing their opinions loud and proud. The informed, sensitive and educated people among us need to step up and speak against these divisive and hateful points of view. Don’t just be quiet because you might not change their minds right away, speak up, spread facts, considered, intelligent and caring points of view. Be the voice of the people who are being abused. Even if you aren’t a Muslim, if you aren’t on the dole, if you aren’t transgender or homosexual, if you aren’t a woman. Speak up. If enough people help those who are misinformed to see through their bigotry we might be able to effect real change.

It is a privilege and a right for us to have our opinions heard and discussed. Let’s make sure that we keep it that way. Be proud of what you have done and said because of how logical it is, not how emotive and mean it was. Spend more time looking for solutions rather than looking for problems, and look at ways to help before you look for ways to condemn. But don’t stop speaking up for those who can’t, we need more informed discussion and less abuse everywhere.As always, remember.


Just Be Nice.
J

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