What on earth is passive aggressive? Low key treating people like shit because you are upset at them in the hope that by you treating them like shit they will work out what is wrong and then apologise profusely so that you can continue to be grumpy at them regardless?
                What a waste of everyone’s time.
               Being passive aggressive serves no one. You have to be miserable, or a bit of an asshole for a period of time (which surely you don’t want). Only to try and teach a lesson to someone that may or may not even realise.
               Try this.
               Be actually aggressive. Well not too aggressive, but if you have a grievance…. Air it. Immediately. Like an adult. Don’t let it fester and ruin good time for everyone. If it isn’t important enough to tell someone directly, it’s probably not important enough to be an asshole about for any period of time.
               There is absolutely nothing wrong with being upset with someone, or being annoyed, frustrated or even angry. But there is something wrong with half pretending you’re annoyed and half not pretending you’re annoyed so that someone else can attempt to work out your problem.
               If you just mention you’re upset about something, it can be discussed and dealt with on the spot!
               I’m not surprised that people love looking for reasons to be passive aggressive and grumpy, today in my news feed (of news, not the Facebook feed), every single headline was a negative spin on something. EVERY ONE! We are subconsciously being trained to look for things that are wrong in all the comments, media and discussions around us! Passive aggression, however, is a special kind of trick because it isn’t about anyone else except the person who is engaging in the behaviour. It is a selfish way of being mad.
               Who wouldn’t rather just have a family member, work colleague or friend tell you they are annoyed? Sure, being told you have annoyed someone can be confronting at first, but when compared to a day/week/month/year of strange passive aggressive, useless behaviour, it is a godsend.
               Airing grievances doesn’t mean they get solved, but at least when you bring them up like a grown up everyone knows why you are mad!
               Next time you are thinking about being passive aggressive, run it through a couple of filters.

1. Is this person actively trying to bother me?
2. Is the thing they are doing/have done/have said etc. really that upsetting and important?
3. Important enough to bring it up to their face?
4. Am I really annoyed about something else and feel like taking it out on them?
5. If I died immediately after this confrontation, would I be ok with their last memory of me.
6. If they died immediately after this confrontation, would I be ok with the last thing I confronted them with?
7. Does this person have other things going on in their life that don’t revolve around me and so they are acting in a way that is helping them get through their day?

If you answers are

1. No
2. No
3. No
4. Yes/Maybe
5. No
6. No
7. Yes

               Maybe just get over it, get on with your life, and save yourself the stress of having to either be mad, or have a discussion about things that annoy you.
               You don’t have to like everyone, no one likes everyone! You don’t have to be happy all the time, or even accept that people will never annoy you. You simply have to let go of passive aggression and either be a grown up, or let it go.
               If its not that important, then its not that important. If the person consistently annoys you, either stop having anything to do with them, or (if you have to work with them) accept that they are annoying and work on the one thing you can change….YOUR attitude.
               Don’t waste your life carrying around baggage on behalf of people that don’t even notice you’re carrying it, don’t sweat the small stuff, and as always, Just Be Nice.

With a lifelong goal of improving equality of opportunity for people, it is important to also improve discussion and understanding around what opportunity actually looks like.

If you'd like to learn more about measuring difficulty from the starting line after watching. I have written about it here also: one-white-privilege-we-should-give-up-immediately.html

Thanks for watching! Like, share, subscribe and as always, just be nice.

What a cracking way to get back into the swing of things after being away for a few weeks! Caught up with Ben Connelly today to drop off a care package from the RUOK Day team as he walks from Lake Eyre (The lowest point in Australia) to Mt Kosciusko (The highest point in Australia).Its a mammoth effort and he's a great guy. Check out his efforts on his webpage www.pittopeak.com

For more information on RUOK Day and how to have better conversations with your mates, check out www.ruok.org.au

This VLOG is a little different to some of the others, because it is filmed in one take to document a particular experience.

It is just one take, to show that it is OK to not be OK all the time. Really. It can seem like its the people that always have their lives all together that are telling others to be OK, or on the other side of the coin, that there are people who seem constantly plagued by difficulty who talk about it the loudest. Everyone has their moments, everyone has times of doubt or sadness.

I thought today that I would simply show without editing, that there are times, or things that strike an emotional chord with you and can upset you, and that's OK.

Today is a difficult day for a young friend of mine, and rather than simply say "It's alright to be upset when you are feeling down" I thought I would lead by example, go first, and put it out there. Talking about a time in my life when I needed a little push to be able to allow my emotions to come to the surface. It's not easy, but that's why it is important.

Feel free to share this wherever you think someone needs to hear it or see it, and thank you for taking the time to watch it.

For more information on how to have good conversations with your friends visit www.ruok.org.au

If you need support, or someone to speak to you can contact these organisations
Lifeline: 13 11 14
Kids Help Line: 1800 55 1800
Suicide Call Back Service: 1300 659 467

             We use language in interesting ways. We use it to gloss over problems, overstate impacts, diminish responsibility. We use language to promote and sell, to obstruct and impede.
                Language is everywhere, used and abused, contained and unrestrained and it colours our whole world in shades of grey, black, purple and orange. Our language, our history, our future, they are intertwined all across the world. For instance, I’ve heard stories of indigenous tribes that have no word for ‘surrender’. Surely living in a context where surrender is literally not an option impacts the way that you see the world. If you live somewhere without a word for ‘thank you’ is it because you are an ingrate? Or that you live in an environment where it is a foregone conclusion that what is for one, is for everyone. A society of unparalleled sharing and appreciation of one another.

                I can’t help but notice every day, the language that we use informs the way we treat each other, and I thought, what if we could change the language. Even the internal language among ourselves.

                What if we changed the way we speak about people in need, from being language around their problems to being language around our responsibilities.

                People are no longer ‘homeless’, as in, being without a home.

                They are In Harm’s Way.

                We are no longer talking about victims of domestic violence.

                We are talking about people who are In Harm’s Way.

             When we are talking about people who are uneducated, unemployable and of poor mental health. We are talking about people that have been left In Harm’s Way.

            Leaving people in harm’s way. Shifting the language from what disadvantaged haven’t got, or haven’t done, to what we haven’t done, or what we do by leaving them unassisted might start to humanise the problems, to change the understanding and empathy of others.

            We are not simply ignoring ‘illegal immigrants’, we are leaving them In Harm’s Way.

           Think to your family, think of yourself. Think of people you know and people you don’t. Do you see any reason to leave people in harm’s way? It’s not about handouts, queue jumping, dole bludging, it’s about recognising a basic need for us to recognise harm and remove people from its influence

                Over the coming weeks, every time you see an article or hear someone refer to a ‘refugee’, ‘asylum seeker’, ‘homeless person’, ‘drug addict’ consider not only their problems, or the cause of their problems, but their situation as it is right now.

​         Regardless of fault, before we consider whether or not we are bestowing outrageous and gratuitous privilege on people, before we get upset on the impact of the most disadvantaged people on the rest of the world, we need to first ask ourselves;
 
               Are we leaving them in harm’s way?
 
             Changing attitudes is a long path, battling against a long history of language that speaks down to people in need, but by changing the language of responsibility and taking some of it on board for ourselves, surely we can start the slow journey to a real equality of opportunity.
 
            Take the time to change your inner monologue, take the time to change the words you use to the people you know, and as always, just be nice.

     A very dear friend of mine is a widow. Despite our best efforts, so far we have not found a better word for this antiquated description of a woman whose husband has passed away (we are looking though). To me, and to others the title comes with a kind of preconceived notion of an older woman, and yet my friend is only young, as was her husband when he passed away suddenly and unexpectedly, leaving a widow and two children behind.
    
    Having been through this experience, many others in similar tragic circumstances have reached out or been connected to her for advice, and advice for people helping others going through the death of a loved one.

    The best advice that I have heard, from my friend, and from others?

     Don’t ask. Just help.

    Nothing to do with the scale of the help, just take into account what your friend/family member/person in need requires, and just fill the gap. Take over a few meals, so they don’t have to prepare them when they are grieving. Go over and just wash some clothes, take the kids for a few hours, and give them some space.

    It is important, in conversations about mental health, to encourage people to open up. To talk about their feelings, to ask for help. It’s so important to create environments where people feel that they can open up, but sometimes feelings of being overwhelmed, sad or out of sorts is so foreign that it becomes very difficult to articulate these feelings.

    I myself have been one of these people.

   Several years ago, I was going through a tough time. But like many others, when anyone asked me how I was going, “I’m going ok” was my answer. “I just need to….”, “Soon everything will be alright”, “I’m just sorting it all out, but in a little while it will all be ok”.

    At that time, after a long period of success, I met some very serious challenges. Financially, personally, emotionally I was going through a rough patch. Even physically! My stomach was permanently upset from the stress. I’m an entrepreneur, and have been my whole adult life. I believed that there was no time to waste on fixing the problems that I was facing, and so there was no point talking like times were tough. I was still here, I still had a roof over my head…. So I was ok. I had also spent my whole life hellbent on independence, building a life where I was free from financial, and the bulk of emotional stress…until that point.

    One day during this period I got an email from my sister who was living in the UK at the time. We didn’t speak all the time, so it was a little unusual to hear from her, and I hadn’t spoken to her for some time. The email wasn’t particularly long and the gist was, word on the street is you’re having a rough patch, I hope this helps.

    It was 10pm at night, and I was still in the office. The email had a $100 woolies gift card attached.

     I burst into tears. 

    It wasn’t because it was from my sister, it wasn’t anything to do with the value of the voucher, It wasn’t even because it was a really nice act. It was because, for the second time in my life at that point, I needed it.

     I just needed it.

    When people need help, sometimes they don’t know what they need. When someone passes away suddenly, unprepared families seldom know what they need, it’s all foreign. When stubborn, driven people need help, they often can’t recognise it in themselves, let alone ask for help. Sometimes people see those who complain about small, insignificant problems, and they think that their problems are barely more significant, why complain, when you have a roof over your head, a job, some people who care…. Being down without realising it can be a lonely place to be, because if you don’t think your feelings or problems are worth mentioning, how do you bring it up?

    In these cases, and in many others, it is better to just do something to help, without asking.

    Observe, pay attention, and if someone is doing it tough, jump in and just help. Don’t wait to be asked.

        “How are you doing?”

        Because most likely the response will be: “I’m Ok”

    Sometimes it’s true, sometimes it’s not. Sometimes ask a few more questions, sometimes just observe a little bit more. These times can be when it matters the most that someone cares. Not every cry for help comes before the help. My crying happened afterwards, before, I didn’t even know I needed it. As a result, finding my vulnerability, hitting that point as an adult, feeling those feelings and learning to cry again, helped me to go on to bigger and better things, and I cannot thank my sister enough for that. The tears of kindness might have been the most powerful tears I have cried, and this was after me going through a decade of deciding that crying wasn’t for me, and that I didn’t have time for it.

         “A friend in need, is a friend indeed”

      Be the friend. You don’t need to solve the problems, you don’t need to define the problems, you don’t need to do any more than you can do. But do something, help. Help simply, help with love, and be there in action, not just in thought, spirit or sympathy to those closest to you. You might just be the answer in the end.

        Pay attention, look after each other, and as always, Just Be Nice.

-J

Find your purpose. Find your why. Find your passion. Find your opportunity. Find the ‘place where it all comes from’. If it isn’t these kinds of conversations, its, 7-steps to wealth, 30 days to fitness, 4 hot tips to wellness, 9 incredible steps to lead a life you love, fake it til you make it.

    These are all goals and paths that I see being spruiked and talked about every day.
In the same days, I see people chasing empty dreams, people feeling unhappy with what they are doing, transient jobs, transient goals, and ever changing focus. Chasing the faster way to achieve some kind of goal external to oneself, money, body fat percentage etc.

    To anyone looking for what to do next, I say, Start with WHO.

    Start with who you want to be. Don’t worry about your why, don’t worry about your purpose until you know the kind of person that you want to be. How can you control an outcome external to you, without being the master of your own perception of self. How can you advance yourself and your happiness in any meaningful way without knowing the kind of person you are and the kind of person you want to be?

    Who you are is with you in every moment, of everyday. It informs every decision, it is with you in the darkest hours and the brightest moments…. Do you know who that person is?

    Your who will affect your why, it will affect your purpose, it will affect how you approach each day, each problem and each success. ‘Who’ you are is something that you are always in control of, so you have it with you in the good times, in the public eye and when you are on your own.

    I believe that the reason that so many people are unhappy in a time of unparalleled opportunity and luxury for so many, is that many people have lost connection to who they are. If you don’t know who you are, you rely on external factors to fulfil you. If you don’t know who you are, and have standards to which you hold yourself accountable, then you can find yourself deep into a life that makes you miserable.

    I am all about practical, so let’s have a look at how you can get to your who.

      First, cut out the bullshit. Stop bullshitting yourself, stop bullshitting others. Don’t try and force your ‘Who’ to come from any particular place, or fit some kind of external circumstance, or look like something that presents well when you talk about it to others. If you bullshit yourself in early days, you will never find your actual ‘who’ and will never find the consonance you need between your mind and your actions to be truly happy.

    Before you jump to it, ‘Being happy’ is not a Who, it is a result of being your who, and working towards being the best version of yourself.

    Second, every ‘who’ has pro’s and cons. So embrace your real ‘who’ and then assess the pros and cons of what that means. Your ‘who’ might include that you have very high standards, that you demand the best out of yourself at all times. A pro of this kind of ‘who’ can be that you might do some really great work, a ‘con’ of the same trait might be that you might never be truly satisfied with your outcomes, believing you can always do better, or that you might be isolated because your high standards make it hard for you to accept less.

    It doesn’t matter what your who is, it only matters that you recognise it and own it. Sometimes the hardest part of finding your who is admitting that some of the things aren’t what we’d like them to be. You might be trying to find happiness, but you are naturally cynical, by denying your natural cynicism you might be actually making it harder to be happy. Instead, once you have found your who, you can work on using who you are to find real happiness. Sometimes the path is not easy, but I will discuss that at a later date.

    Thirdly, you ‘Who’ shouldn’t be made up of a bunch of words.

    Values as words are dangerous. Words can have different meanings, words can be interpreted differently. Your who should be made up of a couple of questions, or filters. Questions you can ask yourself in every situation. Filters you can use on all of your actions, goals and why’s. 

    Perhaps part of your who is ‘to look after your family’. A pro of this ‘who’ can be that you are an attentive and loving family member. A con could be that you act in a manner that is to the detriment of others in order to look after your family. Plenty of organised crime is committed under the guise of looking after ‘the family’. The ‘Who question’ in this instance might be “Am I doing the best thing for my family?”

    If your who is a question then before you do anything at all, you can ask yourself, Am I doing this in line with x? Am I following my who? Am I improving on the person that I want to be? When the answer is yes more often than no, then you will find yourself being happier. Regardless of your external circumstances.

    Your who is not all you are. It is a goal, an outcome and a prescription for yourself about how to conduct your life. You will have times where you drift from it, but when you have a who, you can work back towards being the person that you want to be. BEING the PERSON you want to BE. Not having the things you want to have, looking the way you want to look, saying the things you want to say…. It’s about being the person you want to be. It provides a centre for you to return to, a path to look towards and a measuring stick by which to gauge your progress as a person.

    I don’t believe that in life you regret missed chances for external gain. I believe that you regret opportunities to act as the person you believe you should be. In the end we regret the times that we acted contrary to our nature, contrary to the kind of person we want to be.

    So, in action. How does this work?

    Well personally, my ‘Who’, the who that  I aspire to be and maintain. The questions I ask myself every day to remain close to my ‘who’ are as follows.

“Am I working as hard as I can possibly work?”

“Am I being nice and helping others?”

“Am I doing more than I am talking about?”

“Am I doing this the right way, not necessarily the easy way?”

“Am I practicing what I preach?”

“Am I being empirically good at what I am doing?”

    These are my main who questions. They help keep me focused. 

    Who am I? I hope to be a hard worker. I take the question “Am I working as hard as I can possibly work?” and I refuse to fail as a result of my work ethic. I might fail at something due to lack of talent, but to maintain my who it will never be for lack of trying. When I don’t work that hard for some reason…. I feel shitty, and I know the only way to properly fix it is to get back on the grind. On the downside, I have trouble sometimes deciding when some time away from work would actually be beneficial to how much work I can do. Every who has pros and cons. I have many questions, and twice as many pros and cons, more than I can write here. They are for me, and they are mine. But across all my questions, and all my pros and cons I try to keep a standard to which I can hold myself.

     I stray, certainly. Some days I come home from work, and I haven’t worked as hard as I can possibly work. Some days I don’t train as hard as I can possibly train. Some days I tell people to do things (i.e. eat clean) that I haven’t been doing.
​
     It is those moments, that I feel my worst, when there is dissonance between the person WHO I want to be and the person that I am being. I have carried these WHO questions through the many different things I have done in my life so far. I encourage you to cut the bullshit and find yours, and find it for no one else but you.

     I'd love to hear how you go. Thanks for taking the time to read and share the beginning of working on your Who. Be real, be you, and as always Just Be Nice.

-J

The last time was not the first time.

Our kitchen and dining room was tiled, at the back of the house, and there was an island bench in the middle of the rooms running between the sink and kitchen bench and the large glass sliding doors to the back yard.

Only one door into the kitchen from the hallway.

We had a cheap old table, and cheap green chairs, small metal legs with little rubber ends on them, chairs made out of plastic moulds which I think now I haven’t seen for decades since.

The tiled floor is significant; Mum was in the kitchen making cordial for us, so when she was thrown to the floor by my father, the cordial was spilled everywhere. The tiled floor was wet, slightly sticky. The messy liquid was spread across the floor into the dining room as she was dragged around the island bench. Screaming to stop, kicking, thrashing around in an attempt to free her arms. I heard the screams and ran down the hallway to find my father trying to do what I assumed was break both Mums arms off, and slam her face into the floor.

It’s strange what you remember when you reflect on these moments. I remember the wet floor, I remember thinking that I should grab a knife so once mum had been dragged around the kitchen on the floor I could run past and grab a knife and jam it into my fathers back… But I thought he could take it off me and use it on Mum, or me… After all, I’m just a kid.

I’m yelling, Mum’s yelling. Paul's* eyes are black.

You don’t forget that look. I had seen it before, picked up by the throat and slammed into a wall, before being slapped across the wall by the face. I had seen it before. Sitting on my parents bed once before, I saw the blackness as I got an open hand across the face that sent me flying off the bed and into the doorway of the bedroom in one go. I saw the blackness as my father choked my mum in the same bed after she yelled at him for trying to knock my head off. I had seen it before many times. The blackness of the normally brown eyes is firmly etched into my brain, and will be forever I have no doubt.

The black eyes didn’t even barely look at me as he swatted me away the first time I went in to help mum. I didn’t get close. My father was a strong and powerful man in his right mind, let alone in the middle of a rage. So I did the only thing I could think to do after that, and I jumped on his back, trying to choke or pull him off or something. I was only 9 or something, so he pulled me off his back and threw me towards the large glass rear doors. I remember grabbing the chair to stop from flying through the window. I remember sliding in the liquid on the tiled floor. I remember seeing mum still on the floor, and as I hit the window, slowed by the chair, Paul opened the sliding door and threw Mum out.

I wanted to tell him he was a f*#king idiot. To tell him to f*#k off, to yell and scream, but I was terrified that something would happen, all I could manage was to yell at him that he was an idiot.

I remember all of that with such clarity, that it seems odd that I don’t remember how we all got out. I remember running down the hallway and getting my younger brother and sister to go out, and I remember being in our shitty little car ready to go, before mum went in to grab our dressing gowns because it was after dinner time and we were in our pyjamas.

If I go back into my mind’s eye for that time however, there are some details I left out. While I am deciding what to do, whether I will grab a knife, or jump on my fathers back, or scream or yell… My little brother and sister are in the doorway to the kitchen, crying and screaming. My baby brothers little face, chubby, crying, yelling. My little sisters little curls wild and all over her red, wet face, wild bits sticking to her face..
They are both being held back by a man.
​
Two of my father’s friends were there that night.

I don’t remember their names now, maybe one was Steve, maybe one wasn’t. But there were two of them. Two of Paul's latest drinking buddies. The drinking buddies changed fairly regularly, Paul liked the adulation of hangers on, and so he changed them regularly. I remember that that night they had brought a large, odd shaped bottle of a yellow liquor. I think now, upon reflection that it was some kind of home brew.
​
I remember the bottle, because one of the men was holding onto it, keeping it out of the way, as he stood in the kitchen just saying something like “Paul, Paul”. I remember he grabbed the bottle so it wouldn’t get knocked off the table during the violence.

I remember the other man taking my little brother and sister to the front of the house where the lounge room was. Away from the beating that was going on in the kitchen.
There were two men in my house that night.

Grown men, who watched someone try to beat my mother up. Grown men who watched another grown man attempt to throw his son through a window.
 
Often times, when we recount these stories or hear about them, the comment threads encourage people to ‘bash these weak bastards’ or ‘this guy should have his arms broken off’, things of that nature. Violence, for me, is not the answer to undo violence. I have come to a place of peace, by letting go any notion that a beating in any direction, to anybody, will undo the beating that I witnessed.

I think that perhaps in the macho-talk about how we should beat these guys up we miss the message that we should just do something. I don’t know anyone who thinks that what happened is ok, under any circumstance. There might be people who don’t know how to deal with it.

I am glad that I don’t have to walk around as one of the Unpolished men. These two men did nothing to get in the way, nothing to stop what was happening. They might not have been able to beat Paul into a pulp, or follow through on the tough talk that I see on the internet… but I can’t help but feel that they could have done something.

​If you are going to be a polished man, if you are going to raise awareness, make sure that you are ready to raise a polished hand in the event that circumstances call on you to do it. Awareness is nothing without being able to speak up, call people out or get in the way of violence against children.

Don’t stand idly by.

Don’t walk around knowing that you should have stepped in, that you should have done more.

Don’t leave a child with the memory of your indifferent observation.

If you see the situation, help first, worry about what happens after.

Help.
​
Not be a hero. Not go in with the intention of beating a ‘child basher’ or a ‘woman basher’, and teaching them a lesson. Just get the people who need help away. Bravery is about doing the right thing, not the big thing. You don’t need to serve ‘justice’ on the spot, you simply need to help. In some way. In whatever capacity you can, depending on the situation and the circumstance.

It’s ok to be scared. The black eyes of a man in a rage are terrifying to everyone. You don’t have to confront them in a way that goes over and above removing the person who needs help from harm’s way. Just do the removing.

Be a Polished Man. Be a Good Man, and always, always Just Be Nice.
 
 *name has been changed

Edit* Thank you to all who donated to my Polished Man Campaign page to raise awareness and funds to prevent violence against children.

For further information on how you can help if you witness or suspect domestic violence, visit www.dvrc.org.au

Please don't hesitate to share this blog if you feel like some people you know might get something out of a conversation like this, and thank you in advance.

              Talking, writing, recording, filming. All of these acts put you directly into the brain of the people consuming your content. As you read this, I am making you speak in your head in your voice, the words and thoughts that have come out of my brain.

                When you write, you become the inner dialogue in someone else’s head. When you speak, it goes in through the ears, directly to the brain. When you make a video, it’s a multi-sensory invasion of people’s consciousness, though the eyes and the ears, through multiple camera angles, music and dialogue.

                When we discuss physical health, we are conscious of what we put into our bodies in order to maintain health. For our brains, it is much the same. Be careful what you put in there, careful what you keep in there and be careful about what other people put in there.

                I believe mental health is more complex than just the digestive system. It is more like a combination of the digestive system and the immune system.         

             You need nourishment, you need to feed your mind with quality nutrients, variation, things that keep you operating in good health. What you allow your brain to take in is responsible for feeding your outlook on life, your happiness, your appreciation for things, your knowledge. Feeding your brain with quality can help your focus, and like a good diet, allow you to operate without cloudy judgement. Variety keeps your synapses fresh and your brain young, like a fresh diet keeps you in good physical health.

                For your immune system to function properly however, you need to introduce pathogens from time to time. Your immune system needs to build up defence to pathogens the way that your brain needs a chance to build resilience. Like your body, you should start to develop your immunity early on. If you get to your teen years without having acquired any immunity to the negative thoughts that can affect your brain, you might find that you get affected very seriously.

                If you build your immunity from a young age, then you can find yourself immune from community based infections. In a mental sense, you arrive to your teen and adult years with a strong sense of self, self-confidence, independence, compassion and empathy. If you are sheltered from any negative or contrary mental influence, and only experience it as a teen or young adult, you are ill-equipped to get through it without significant trauma that can leave lasting scars.

                At the same time, there is a level of infection that no-one can beat off on their own. In those cases, we need antibiotics. For mental infection, the antibiotic substitute can come in the form of supportive friends, love, familial connection, purpose and feelings of belonging. Combined with your own internal immunity, generally we can get through these incidents…. Sometimes, tragically, people don’t.

                The point being, we do need to experience negativity to build our immunity to it. You will come across it in the broader community, either at home, or when you travel or change work or school environments. It is unavoidable. We build immunity by small, regular, varied and relevant exposure to these elements, for as long as possible. We build our antidotes by building strong, aware, present, caring and empathetic communities together to support people in times of mental illness.

                Being exposed to the measles vaccine is not the same as having measles, and in that way we can look at certain things we consider negative mentally. Being exposed to mild bullying, such as you might find among siblings, might actually make you more resilient later in life to the small (and even large) ribbings that you might get in school or in the workplace. If a child with no siblings is never exposed to these things, then the transition to kinder, school or work might be more traumatic.

          Like a virus, or bacterial infection, no matter how strong the antibiotic, there is always an evolution, as we attack one form or incarnation of mental illness, another one will evolve. There will always be new ways for people to spread hate, self-loathing or bullying. As environmental factors change, different strains of stress, anxiety, depression, sadness, pressure will adapt to the new surroundings. Sometimes, rather than just seek stronger antibiotics, it is better to expose people to these factors earlier on, with regular antibiotics on hand and allow individual immunity to develop.

              Be mindful of spreading poor mental health, be mindful of ingesting too much ‘fast food’ for your brain. A bit of course won’t hurt, in the same way the occasional burger and chips is fine. Don’t feed the bad mental food to those around you, or those in your care. Feed your mind with positivity and appreciation, work it out by using it, train it by making it work.

             At the same time, don’t avoid every mental ‘germ’ in the hopes of avoiding illness. The only way to truly develop your mental immunity is to expose yourself and others to the real world, which is full of amazing wonder and also terrifying sadness. Gently, regularly and with great variation, you must expose yourself and overcome these small thoughts and build an immune system and mental health that will see you in good stead through every situation you might find yourself in for your whole life. Don’t spread mental disease by overloading people’s eyes, ears and brains with negativity, doubt and deprecation. Build the immunity of yourself and everyone you know by balancing the negative with the antibiotic properties of purpose, gratitude, love and support.

Be real, be healthy and of course, Just Be Nice.