I travelled to Sydney to have a chat with my mate Mike.

Chatting all things Just Be Nice Project, looking after each other, and some other more personal-slightly strange things.

A few good laughs and hopefully a few good insights into the work that we do at the Just Be Nice Project.

Also available on Spotify here: open.spotify.com/episode/1BXVEJUEkjQ2ISHNsOnboa?si=FM0hL3j4Siy4zh1cbYms0A


Check it out, like subscribe and comment! I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Step Up, Reach Out, and do more to look after the mental health of those around you.

Some thoughts on the way that we talk about people who need help, and how copying and pasting statuses means less to support the well-being of those around you, than actually reaching out and making a proper effort.

Please Like, Subscribe and Share!!

A Rightful Place; A Road Map To Recognition.

Authors; Noel Person, Megan Davis, Jackie Huggins & Rod Little, Damien Freeman & Nolan Hunter, Warren Mundine, Stan Grant.

Edited by Shireen Morris, Foreword by Galarrwuy Yunupingu.

​“Australia is a nation of three parts: its ancient pre-colonial heritage, its inherited British institutions and its multicultural achievement. The Uluru Statement affords a unique opportunity to embrace the most Australian part of ourselves, and do it so in a way that upholds our successful constitutional system. This would be a belated recognition of the most ancient part of our nation.”

A rightful place is a collection of essays from esteemed Indigenous activists and academics, discussing the impact of the ‘Uluru Statement from the Heart’. This document was put together by 250 Indigenous representatives at a constitutional convention convened in 2017, calling for the establishment of a voice for representatives of Australia’s First Nations in the constitution. It also calls for a Makarrata Commission to provide a mechanism for truth-telling, agreement-making and ultimately reconciliation between the government and Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples.

This collection of essays is wonderfully written. Each writer brings an eloquent and considered discussion of objections, solutions and pathways forward on the subject of formal Indigenous recognition in the Constitution of Australia.

A makarrata is a Yolngu concept that essentially outlines a process and principles for dispute resolution between aggrieved parties. The resolution, however, is not only in name, Galarrwuy Yunupingu writes “This settlement is also a symbolic reckoning – an action that says to the world that from now on and forever the dispute is settled; the that dispute no longer exists; it is finished…. In past times a man came forward and accepted a punishment, and this man once punished was then immediately taken into the heart of the aggrieved clan”.

At stark odds to the current system of incarceration that we have in Australia, where one is the stigma of ones sins remains long after punishment or rehabilitation, the makarrata is a process in which moving on, forgiveness and genuine acceptance are part and parcel.

First, disputing parties must come together and speak their grievances. If someone speaks out of turn, or wildly, they are sent away to no longer be part of the process. The makarrata starts with a calm laying out of the issues, it is not a place for vengeance or anger. The leaders then seek to understand all the issues involved, and to find a middle ground upon which all parties can settle.              

The essays contained in this volume, discuss the challenges surrounding a representative voice for Australia’s first peoples. They seek permanent, indelible recognition as part of the history of this great country, not to re-write history, but to be acknowledged alongside the British institutions and multicultural achievements.

​They seek a voice in Indigenous affairs. Currently there is no mandated, representative voice of Indigenous interests in Parliament. While other countries (Norway, Canada, NZ) have representative bodies for their first nations to parliament, Australia still lacks this formal function. Those of indigenous descent that are in Parliament, are elected to represent their constituencies, not Indigenous outcomes. The Uluru Statement from the Heart seeks indigenous representation for law making that affects indigenous Australians.

Given that Aboriginal and Torres Straight Islanders only make up around three percent of the population of Australia, it is difficult for them as a group to force the hand of the democracy as a vehicle for change in their own affairs.

Overwhelmingly the rhetoric in each of these pieces is about overcoming objections to a proposal that is, at its very core, about bringing together a country, not separating it. That through a process of truth-telling, acknowledgement and empowerment, Indigenous Australians are able to more actively participate in crafting a better future for themselves, alongside and within the liberal democratic constitutional monarchy that currently exists.

Noel Pearson, who is an amazingly articulate and learned writer (I had to look up about 20 words from his essay), speaks to a possible future of bi-culturalism for Indigenous Australians. Where being Aboriginal is not separate to being Australian, but an element of ones’ complete identity. That they are not asking for a separate identity, but simply a better acknowledgement of the identities that indigenous Australians are trying to reconcile within themselves every day.

​It often pains me personally to hear people labour the point that Indigenous Australia needs to sort itself out, and that we have been here for hundreds of years so it’s not our fault etc. I think that it can be easy to forget for my generation, that until 1967 Aboriginal Australians were not citizens, unable to vote and had zero parliamentary representation. At the time of the referendum to recognise them Noel notes;

“Back when the referendum was crafted and overwhelmingly endorsed by the Australian people – 90 per cent of the country voted in favour of it – there was not one Indigenous lawyer in the country, let alone an Indigenous constitutional lawyer involved in the drafting of the amendment.”

I found this fact to be an absolutely mind boggling (albeit obvious if you think about it). It was only in 1967 that special provisions were made in the constitution to finally count Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islanders as citizens of the continent that they have inhabited continuously for some 60,000 years.

At the time, a considered and united amendment, coming from Indigenous Australians was not wholly possible, and in the 51 years since that recognition, the stark facts remain that Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islanders have among the highest incarceration rates and lowest life expectancies of the first world.

I recommend anyone who currently holds views for or against Indigenous constitutional recognition and mandated representation, to read this book. It addresses issues for both conservative and liberal arguments, for those who argue from Constitutional law and those who have cultural and self-determination as the forefront of their arguments. It is eye opening to hear the processes available to the first-nations of other sovereign countries, and encouraging to think that we could adopt those measures here to better look after our own Indigenous population.

I read this and feel hope, hope for a truth telling, hope that we can save the songs and stories of these peoples, hope for unity and prosperity, and hope for a future Australia that embraces all parts of its make-up. From the first inhabitants to the last, from the dreamtime to the present, and all that has come and gone in between. If we are to aspire to be a nation with a clear identity, there is no moral ambiguity in the empowerment of our First Nations.

Shout-out to Readings St Kilda for being a marvellous bookshop and allowing me to come across this gem late on a sunny afternoon.

Keep reading, keep sharing these posts (I really appreciate it), keep reconciling, keep working on a common language with which we can discuss these issues, and as always, Just Be Nice.

​- J

Have you noticed lately, how mad everyone is? Angry, hurt, frustrated and vocal. Anger that ranges from casually inconvenienced to visceral rage, from all strata of society, throughout much of the Western world. I cannot speak to the East, because I don’t hear so much from the second and third world, it certainly seems though, that the privilege of first world habitation brings with it a desire or inclination to be whipped into a frenzy.

‘Road Rage’. Literally anger at THE ROAD. “HOW DARE YOU NOT DO THE 20km/hr OVER THE SPEED LIMIT THAT I WOULD LIKE TO DO RIGHT NOW…. GET OUT OF THE WAY!!!! ARGHHHHH”

‘Race Rage’. Exaggerating differences and the impact of these differences, causing various pockets of us and them. The Us invariably being denied opportunity due to the ever-present spectre of Them.

How so many people can reconcile in their heads that the problems caused in an entire country can be attributed to the smallest percentage, lowest socio-economic groups is beyond me, but it is certainly easy to whip people into a rage about it.

This anger has somehow lead to a shift in leadership across the world. In the Philippines death squads have killed thousands of people without trial, while allowing the President unprecedented approval ratings from an enraged population. In the United States, a President who lives in a GOLD TOWER somehow was elected on a platform that he understands the needs and lives of every day (angry) Americans. They are rallying around Confederate and Nazi flags and literally CARRYING BURNING TORCHES! In Great Britain voters approved a Brexit scheme that had no real details, and are now staring down the barrel of economic uncertainty off the back of voters that believed a small minority of immigrants were the reason they were denied personal opportunities and falling behind economically. In Australia, people are mad. I don’t actually even know what for. Mad at renewable energy, mad at incarcerated minors, mad at boats filled with desperate asylum seekers, as though a boat with 20 people on it will cause the economic destruction of our entire way of life. Mad at same sex marriage, mad at politicians with dual citizenship, mad at renewable energy and coal. It seems like people are angry wherever they possibly can be.

​Politicians speak about where we are, and why that’s terrible. About the ‘mess they have been left with’, deflecting anger to people and parties that have long since lost their power. Encouraging people to rage at the past, as though that somehow improves the present, or absolves them of the responsibility of how things are now not how they were.
Newspaper headlines have rage inducing headlines splashed across them every day.

SOMEONE DID SOMETHING.
A PERSON SAID SOMETHING.
PEOPLE WHO LOOK DIFFERENT TO YOU DID SOMETHING THAT YOU WOULDN’T DO.
BE SCARED OF THIS THING.
BE MAD AT THIS OTHER THING.

It’s not that we are simply being incited to rage, we have our rage and our anxieties pointed down all the time. Pointed at people we don’t know, pointed at things we don’t understand, pointed at people who are down the chain from us. The upper class rage at the middle class, the middle class rage at the lower middle class, the lower middle class rage at the lower class, everyone rages at the unemployed, uneducated, freshy emigrated, incarcerated and disadvantaged.

Surely these unknown elements are the source of all our problems…. Or maybe they aren’t.

When I was a teenager, we were warned about Asians. Vietnamese Gangs. Cambodian Gangs. Truth be told, as a teen I was chased by some of these gangs, brandishing knives, samurai swords, trolley poles (the handles from shopping carts)… Alongside the Vietnamese and Cambodian immigrant kids there were as many Caucasian kids in the gangs too. In fact, in the case of almost every gang ever, you can just refer to them as ‘Disenfranchised teenagers, who lack support, vision and encouragement, building their self-esteem and self-worth through a community of similarly difficult teens’.
Nowadays I couldn’t pin all the problems we face in society on Vietnamese… Their cuisine is too delicious, I can get it on Uber eats and Menulog for Gods sake! Most of us know a Vietnamese person and can vouch that ‘they’re ok’. The same goes for the Greeks and Italians that we all know and love. It’s hard to be mad at Italian immigrants when I look forward to the next opportunity to be fed to the point of bursting by my mates Nonna. There was a time though when they too bore the brunt of a country’s anger and spite.

How many of us know Sudanese kids? APEX is the gang du jour. The newest and most significant threat to our safety and way of life. Just like the Vietnamese, the Italians and the Chinese were at some point in time. How many of us know Muslims? They make up less than 2% of the population, but somehow they are ruining the very fabric of our society? Those newest to our country? Not the entrenched, the powerful and wealthy, the people who make decisions that decide whether we have access to welfare, healthcare and infrastructure?

Why do we allow these views and opinions to proliferate our social fabric?
Perhaps it is because people are blinded by anger, and enlightened by truth. Blind people are easier to lead, more inclined to give up their autonomy of direction.

One seeks the truth, making them harder to lead. If you are seeking, then by definition you must have some control over where you go looking. Being angry requires nothing more than just your own internal dissatisfaction. I don’t need facts to know I am angry about something, I just know that I feel mad about it.

Anger allows you to shift responsibility to the person or situation that ‘made you mad’. Never mind your choice to allow yourself to be enraged by things that make little logical sense, or that have no real impact on your life or even basis in fact. You can be mad. Didn’t get the job you wanted? Be mad at the person who got it.

Didn’t leave enough time to get where you were going? Be mad at traffic.

Can’t afford a house, or earn enough in your job? Get mad at refugees, who are obviously the reason housing prices have inflated astronomically in the past 30 years, even though the ones you are mad at they have only been arriving in the last 15 years.

Being mad at each other advances nothing, solves nothing and puts blinkers on society to the real things that oppress us. Looking down at the very small and the few things we do not understand prevents us from seeing the great problems that lie above us. Seek the truth, and look for reasons to help and solve problems rather than reasons to be mad.
With your eyes open, you will be harder to lead astray. I am no conspiracy theorist, but look to the actions of those in charge, look beyond the words and fear mongering. Look beyond the headlines and labels given to things we do not understand. The more you know, the harder you are to trick, just like the more you appreciate, the harder it is to be enraged.

Make an effort to understand. Make an effort to appreciate. Make an effort to Just Be Nice. It’s not easy, but it’s the only way to create extraordinary positive change.­

Congratulations and encouragement. Two positive nouns no doubt, but are they being used appropriately in this current age of ‘start-ups’, 'intent' and declarations of purpose?

Congratulations; words expressing one's praise for an achievement or good wishes on a special occasion.
Encouragement; the action of giving someone support, confidence, or hope.

Too often we are congratulating people for starting something rather than encouraging them. Too often we save our congratulations for people who are the most visible, the loudest or standing at the front of the line rather than those who have had their noses to the grindstone getting things done.

What could be wrong with congratulating people for starting things you might ask? Good question, let’s look at what congratulating someone implies.

Firstly, it implies an achievement, and frankly, simply starting something is not really an achievement. I could, in the next couple of days start 10 new businesses, 12 books, 15 marathons and 28 training sessions in the gym. I can guarantee you that none of those would be worth congratulating me for, especially if I have only started them.

It would be worth encouraging me, however, letting me know that pulling out the notepad and pen is a fantastic way to start writing a book. That getting into the gym is a great way to start getting into better shape and that you have to start a marathon in order to possibly finish it. The congratulations however need to be saved for the end, or at the very least, for some progress that can be reviewed.

Congratulations imply a special occasion. By congratulating ‘start-ups’, ‘starting-up’ and ‘grand declarations of intention’, we are implying that they are special occasions. Again, the truth is that the start of something only becomes a special occasion upon its completion. Mentioning that I am starting a marathon is not a special occasion, the start of a marathon becomes special by virtue of the work that follows. At the end of the marathon, having finished and achieved a complete outcome, the start, middle and end all become significant. By starting and pulling out 300m into the race, there is nothing to congratulate, there has been no special occasion.

Championing starting takes away from those who work hardest. It dims the light of the finishers. We fund Start-ups rather than Keep-goings, we congratulate massive statements of intention, rather than consistent execution of simpler outcomes. We invest in what we can say is going to happen, rather than invest in things that are happening. We look to what people would like to achieve, rather than look to how people will achieve it.
Focusing on starting up, and considering it something worth congratulating has given rise to a culture of the ‘elevator pitch’, the ‘tell me what you want to do in a minute or less’, the ‘explain what you’re doing in 50 words’.

When you focus on the start, you no longer need to explain all the things that are about to happen in order to achieve a goal, rather you simply focus on the outcome you haven’t achieved yet. Time and time again we are being forced to simplify the process at the beginning, so that people can better understand what is hopefully about to happen.
Elevator pitches are better utilised for the end. It is very simple to get a shorter pitch to understand what has already happened, because outcomes are easier to explain than processes.

Congratulate – “I lost 20kgs.”
Don’t congratulate “I would like to lose 20kgs”, Encourage them.

Encouragement acknowledges an impending process, or period of work, effort and output. Congratulations implies that the work has already been done. Congratulating Usain Bolt at the starting line of the 100m would be silly. Understanding all the elements that will go into Usain Bolt telling you that he will be the fastest runner in the history of mankind will also take a lot of time and effort, across many years. Congratulating him for finishing in the fastest time anyone has ever seen, that makes sense, fits into a small elevator pitch and can be communicated simply as “I am the fastest man that ever lived.”
If you are going to encourage people we intrinsically know that simply saying “I’ll lose weight” is not enough. Saying “I’ll be an Olympic Sprinter” is not enough. It needs to be backed up with effort, and that effort needs to be targeted, measured and repeated over and over again. This effort is what we need to encourage.

Encouraging sits and listens to longer presentations. Congratulations wants bite sized chunks of simple information that is outcome focused rather than process focused. In my line of work its seeing organisations simply say things like “We want to end poverty”, “We want to end homelessness”, “We want to cure all the diseases known to mankind”. We cannot congratulate these statements, we can only encourage them. If we are to encourage them, we must know what the processes are that these organisations are going through to achieve these lofty goals.

When you break down encouragement into a process based discussion, you open up the door to understanding how someone is going to go about achieving or finishing their outcomes. Lose 20kgs is not necessarily a simple process, it involves many factors and will require multiple revisions and tweaks along the way. ‘Ending Poverty’ is even more complicated!

Encouragement is necessary, Congratulations should be reserved for accomplishment. To encourage well, we need to take the time to understand the processes that people need to achieve their goals. To congratulate well, we need to take the time to hold people accountable to outcomes. Over time, we can change from a culture that applauds starting, to one that applauds consistency and outcomes. Look for the people that are doing, not just saying, and give them a shout-out. Congratulate them on their achievements to date, encourage them to continue to achieve, and as always, Just Be Nice.

A few months ago I had the pleasure of speaking with Julie Ann on the Mere Mortals podcast, based in the US!


Talking about how to pay more attention and give people better help.
How to incorporate the Just Be Nice principles into your life or organisation.
How to approach conversations around helping people.

The original link to the page is HERE
To subscribe to the Mere Mortals Podcast on iTunes check it out HERE 

Have a listen, share, subscribe or like it on iTunes and feel free to pop some comments below!

Today an article of mine was published in The Mighty. 

It was written for the team at RUOK Day, who are doing fantastic work in the space of helping peers look after each other.

It means a lot to me to have people share the stories of wonderful men like Greg. They are the unsung heroes of the success and happiness of many people, and they need to be celebrated.

Thanks for taking the time to support publications that spread the good word.

You can check out the article HERE

               This week I took a couple of hundred staff members at Sensis, from the CEO to the sales teams, through training to improve the quality of their conversations. Working with the great team at RUOK Day whose mission is to improve connections and conversations across the community.

               I was dealing with the second step of the 4-step process to looking after people who are having a rough time.

Ask – Listen – Encourage Action – Check In.

               Listening seems to be a pretty intuitive thing to do, especially after asking if someone is ok. Listening without judgement can be a little bit more difficult. I believe that we have issues with judging problems from two sides.

               Often the things which cause distress to people are embarrassing, shocking, unusual, socially unacceptable or difficult to talk about. These circumstances can sometimes be hard to hear without passing some kind of judgement.

               “I wet myself on the weekend at the club.”
               “What on earth did you do that for you idiot?”

              The immediate judgement statement is likely to prevent me from continuing my conversation about what upset me in the first place. It is ok to be shocked, its ok to be confronted by something that you haven’t really got any experience with, but we need to temper that shock and try not to pass judgement right away.

               “I wet myself on the weekend at the club.”
               “Oh my goodness! I can’t imagine what that’s like, and I wasn’t expecting that! Are you ok?”

           You can still be shocked, but by avoiding the judgement piece, you are encouraging the person you are speaking with to continue to tell their story and discuss how it affected them. Our preconceived notions of what it is ‘ok’ to talk about often prevent people from speaking about issues that are important or extremely upsetting to them.

      I bet you were shocked by my example earlier, and it is such an entry level embarrassment on the scheme of things, that I ask you to consider what else you might be unconsciously preventing people from talking about. Bodily functions, accidental stuff ups, things that happen when we are drunk, sources of shame etc. It is important that we open up lines of communication for those close to us, no matter what the issue is. Etiquette and timing aside, we should be doing our best to listen to problems of any kind without judgement. We don't need to have the answers, we simply need to be able to listen.

               The other end of the judgement scale is to judge issues that aren’t deemed serious enough.

               “How are you today?”
               “Arghhh terrible, I dropped my donut on the way into the building.”
         “Come on mate, Is that really a big deal? Don’t you know what is happening overseas?”

               Now, we all know someone who loves to make a mountain out of a molehill when it comes to complaining, however, our judgement on whether a problem is serious or not can prevent us from seeing when something really is wrong. Without judgement, the same conversation could go two ways:

               “How are you today?
               “Arghhhh terrible, I dropped my donut on the way into the building.”
               “That’s annoying! Are you ok?”
               “Yeah mate, it’s just a donut!”

               The problem wasn’t a serious one, and the colleague/friend/family member was just having a little morning complain, which is fine. Everyone agrees a dropped donut isn’t the end of the world. The conversation could also have gone a little differently though:

               “How are you today?
               “Arghhhh terrible, I dropped my donut on the way into the building.”
               “That’s annoying! Are you ok?”
               “Not really, it just feels like this is the millionth thing to go wrong this week.”
 
               The donut could simply be the straw that broke the camels back. Listening without judgement provides an opportunity to have the real issues come to the surface so they can be heard.
 
               The other valuable listening piece that is perhaps not spoken about enough, is to take a moment to understand what upset the person about the story they are telling. We get told to pay attention, summarise what people are saying and repeat back to them what they’ve said so that they know that we’ve heard them. Perhaps we share an anecdote of our own experiences to relate to them better.

             What we aren’t doing so well is working out why they were upset in the first place.

               “How are you today?”
               “I’m not amazing, my parents were up all night fighting.”
               “Your parents were fighting all night?”
               “Yeah”
               “Oh man, I know how that is, I used to hate when mum and dad would yell at each other, its pretty confronting.”
 
              What’s wrong with that? Summary, paying attention, relating to your friend. Its good right? Well, it isn’t terrible. But it could be better.

               “How are you today?”
               “I’m not amazing, my parents were up all night fighting.”
               “Your parents were fighting all night?”
               “Yeah”
               “What upset you the most about that? Are you ok?”
              “Yeah I’m fine, they fight all the time, it’s just how they are. I’m just tired because they kept me up all night.”

               In the first example, we assumed what upset them from our own experiences. Turns out, they weren’t upset by the fighting as much as the lack of sleep. If you take the time to work out why people are upset by particular circumstances, you can better help them through it. In this case, perhaps all that is needed is a double shot espresso.

               I take my hat off to the team at Sensis who came through with open minds to improve the way they look after each other, from the CEO all the way through. It’s great to see everyone getting behind a few simple things that can help them look after each other better.

               For more information on RUOK and the 4 steps to good conversations head to RUOK.ORG.AU There are valuable resources there regarding looking after your peers and what to do when people are in need of help you are unable to give. Check out the resources there.

Keep listening, keep asking RUOK and as always, Just Be Nice.

- Josh Reid Jones
              

         My very talented and wonderful friend Tessa Mansfield-Hung visited a few times, shot some footage and we had some interviews over the last year and a half. I am humbled to have gotten back this piece.

        "I've changed my definition of success from how much I can accumulate to how much I can do. As soon as your definition of success changes from you can get to what you can do for others, the meeting or the long time in the factory or these back-to-back meetings with non-profits doing stuff, it doesn't matter, it's helping people. When that's the definition of success, you're winning every day.

           Through the violence I experienced, I've found a fighting spirit that has allowed me to get on with things in a different way. To own that fight internally and use it externally to fight for opportunities for people who are unable to fight for themselves. I think boxing as an 11 year old was a big part of that process, turning violence into fighting spirit.

            Because when you love something, you fight for it. Not against it."

​Music by Delsinki Records and Brooke Taylor

        Head over to check out Tessa Mansfield-Hung on Youtube and Vimeo
I cannot thank her enough for her wonderful work, friendship and massive heart. Turning hours of filming into a few minutes of interview I would find hard to edit myself.
​
​www.youtube.com/user/tessmansfieldh
vimeo.com/tessamh

Purpose, Happiness and Impact.

Words that get thrown around a lot lacking clarity of definition. How can we attain things that we cannot define or describe?

This VLOG looks at what a good impact looks like, and what we need to do if we are to improve the ways that we help others achieve an equality of opportunity.